Ripped by thewildbunch22
(Madonna) You know, I think I'm in a state ofshock.
I know the tour is over,
but last week in Spain I really felt I would have a nervous breakdown.
I couldn't take the crowds outside, I couldn't do the shows.
Everything was getting to me.
I'm getting ready for the depression I'll feel when the tour's over, but
I really didn't feel emotional last night.
I know everybody else did and everyone was crying, but I didn't feel emotional.
It was like it had already ended for me.
It's like when you know someone's dying you make your peace before they die.
I've done this with close friends ofmine.
It's like I make my peace with it before it happens, so I don't get really hurt.
And then when it happens it's like...
I don't feel anything.
But I know I'm gonna feel something later, ljust don't know when that's gonna be.
I guess it's a protection device.
I hope I'm in a safe place when it happens.
(shouts of "Madonna")
(Madonna) What's wrong with me? I'm freaking out. I have Japanitis.
Let's walk.
- (Madonna) # We are in love - (feedback)
# We are in love
# So please Papa don't preach...
Stop. Stop.
- Stop. Stop. - I'm on it!
Keith, you motherfucker!
(feedback quietens)
Hello?
The level up here is not that loud and there's no reason for all this feedback.
If we can't get it to sound better than this, then I am not doing a show,
so someone who knows about sound better come and explain something to me.
- I'm waiting. - (man) She's getting pissed.
Why can't Donna and Niki not hear themselves?
(Madonna) Where's John Draper?
- She sees me and the smile is gone. - It's raining, Freddy.
- I know it is. - You think it's funny.
No, I don't.
I don't think it's funny at all.
Get out. I'm having a business talk. Goodbye.
- Ouch! - How does it go? # La...
Who does she think she is, my mama? Snatchin' on my head.
I only look white.
She sure is. She's really Mabel, remember from What's Happening!! That's her.
I was born a poor, black child.
With no rhythm.
Look at her hair! It's piccaninny-lookin' shit.
"No, Massa, I don't wanna do no make-up for Madonna, Massa."
(laughs) Honey, I got rhythm.
- Do it the way it looks smoother. - I'm sayin' do you like it over your head?
No. The great thing is you're hidden behind me when you pop out.
That's why I asked. Do you want me to do it over your head or not?
I don't think so.
Why don't you go take a poll? Ask everybody...
- Take a pole? - Yeah. And ram it up your ass.
- I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, Olie. - No. See, you said it.
Every goddamn day you throw this little fag stuff on me.
- Oh! Olie! - Yeah, put this on tape.
- Don't you know what a poll is? - A pole! Where's a pole? That's a pole.
No, a poll is when you go around and you take... It's like...
- But you said pole. - You're forgiven, Olie.
Everything you don't know, I forgive you for. Now, let Mama get her make-up done.
(Madonna) Oh, God. I love havin' children to watch over.
You're not filming me getting an adjustment. I won't be able to relax.
- It's important. - Alek, no. No way.
- We talked about this in LA. - About me getting an adjustment?
uh-huh.
- Just tune it out. - I'm just gonna...
Julie, shut up. Don't tell me to tune it out.
Now take a deep breath. Drop this shoulder.
(clap ofthunder)
(Madonna) It's cold like a New York winter day.
It's snowing weather, that's what it's like.
All of you, put black tights on. Just put the "Vogue" costume on, put your jacket on,
and that's your costume for the night.
This is so wild. I'm panicking right now. Belgium stress.
Five minutes, everybody. Showtime.
(cheering)
Genki desuka, Tokyo.
I don't know about you, but I'm freezin' my ass off.
But we're gonna try to do a show for you anyway.
It goes something like this.
# Don't go for second best...
Somehow I hadn't realised the first leg of the tour was in the rainy season in Japan,
so for three straight weeks we performed the show in a blizzard.
But the dancers were so excited to be performing,
the world could've blown up and they wouldn't have cared.
I, on the other hand, was not in the mood for "Eskimos on lce"
and all that kept me from slashing my wrists was the thought of
coming back to America and doing the show the way it was meant to be.
(music starts up, crowd cheers)
# Dance and sing Get up and do your thing
(crowd cheers)
All right, America!
Do you believe in love?
Cos I got something to say about it and it goes something like this.
# Don't go for second best, baby
# Put your love to the test
# You know, you know, you've got to
# Make him express how he feels
# And maybe then you'll know your love is real
# You don't need diamond rings Or eighteen-carat gold
# Fancy cars that go very fast
# You know, they never last, no, no
# What you need is a big strong hand To lift you to your higher ground
# Make you feel like a queen on a throne
# Make him love you till you can't come down
# Don't go for second best, baby
# Put your love to the test
# You know, you know, you've got to
# Make him express how he feels
# And maybe then you'll know your love is real
# Long-stem roses are a way to your heart
# But he needs to start with your head
# Satin sheets are very romantic
# What happens when you're not in bed?
# You deserve the best in life
# So if the time isn't right, then move on
# Second best is never enough
# You'll do much better, baby, on your own
# Don't go for second best, baby
# Put your love to the test
# You know, you know, you've got to
# Make him express how he feels
# And maybe then you'll know your love is real
# Express yourself
# You've got to make him
# Express himself
# Hey, hey, hey, hey
# So if you want it right now Make him show you how
# Express what he's got Oh, baby, ready or not
# What you need is a big strong hand
# To lift you to your higher ground
# Make you feel like a queen on a throne
# Make him love you till you can't come down
# And when you're gone he might regret it
# Think about the love he once had
# Try to carry on, but he just won't get it
# He'll be back on his knees So, please
# Don't go for second best, baby
# Put your love to the test
# You know, you know, you've got to
# Make him express how he feels
# And maybe then you'll know your love is real
# Express yourself
# You've got to make him
# Express himself
# Hey, hey, hey, hey
# So if you want it right now Make him show you how
# Express what he's got Oh, baby, ready or not
# Express yourself
# So you can respect yourself
# Hey, hey
# So if you want it right now Make him show you how
# Express what he's got Oh, baby, ready or not
# Express yourself
By the time we left Japan I found myself growing attached to the dancers,
and I started feeling like a mother to them.
Gabriel, since you never give me any attitude,
- you get the most valuable one. - Thank you.
When we got to America, I got the chance to meet the mothers ofthe children
that I had temporarily claimed as my own.
And the parents were usually as colourful as their kids.
This is Mama-Mama Make-up.
Isn't she cute? Don't we look alike?
This is Mothers' Day.
# Don't make me over
Carlton's mom's in the hallway. Check it out, I just heard her.
There she is.
- Hi. - I want one with her, please. I must.
She is so tiny and cute.
- Go. - # Ooh, baby
# Do you know what that's worth
# Ooh, heaven is a place on earth
# Ooh, baby,...
Do I have to listen to this?
See, that's why I want my radio on. Those girls annoy me.
It's Donna imitating Belinda Carlisle.
Niki's mommy is singing.
# Some... I know, I know.
# Some day he'll come along
# The man I love
You know it's a bad sign when they want you to go on half an hour early.
It's fine. We've got °/° of an hour.
No, but, you know, we're in a conservative town.
And that is another reason to not wanna live in Chicago.
Aside from the fact that Oprah Winfrey lives here.
(man) Oh, T-shirt!
Slam, do you want a T-shirt?
(Madonna) I think I've unconsciously chosen people
that are emotionally crippled in some way,
or who need mothering in some way, because
I think it comes very natural to me.
It fulfils, I think, a need in me to be mothered.
OK, wait a second, you guys.
Does Jose love me more than I love him? It's not possible.
- Yes. - No!
You know what it is to come after rehearsal to our hotel room
and guess what this child pumps?
Get up off the floor.
Don't ever leave me!
Their innocence. The innocence ofthe dancers moved me.
They're notjaded in the least. They haven't been anywhere.
This was the opportunity oftheir lives.
And I know they've suffered a great deal in their lives,
whether with their families, orjust being poor, or whatever.
And I wanted to give them the thrill oftheir lives.
I wanted to impress them, to love them.
Coitus interrupted.
Yes, hi, I'd like to leave a message. Someone is coming.
My father is coming from New Orleans or whatever
and he's gonna be here in 20 minutes.
So when he comes could you let him... I haven't seen him in five years!
This is not important to you, but I don't care.
Let him park in the front, please, cos I don't want no valet parking.
I just want him to come straight up cos I haven't seen him in a long time.
Now that I think about it, I don't even wanna meet him.
I'm just jokin'.
I'm lookin' for a black Cherokee Jeep.
# Come on, Vogue
Wait, hold up. There's a Jeep leaving.
That's great!
Bye, Daddy.
(phone rings)
OK.
Hello? Yeah?
OK. Thank you.
- He's on his way up. - (knock at door)
Oh, my God.
Hey! What's happenin'? How you doin'?
I was disappointed because we didn't look alike. We didn't look alike any more.
When I saw him I'm like "This is my brother Lance. "
- So when is your birthday? - You know mine.
Oh, you acted just like Lance.
My God, Daddy, if you saw Lance, you would trip. Lance acts just like you.
- Really? - He acts just like you. This is a trip.
I'm disappointed. You can't meet Madonna now.
Olie.
Are you OK?
What's wrong, baby?
- Oliver, how was your dad? - Oh, my God. I'm in pain.
- I believe you, but I want you to tell me. - OK, I know what you're sayin'.
Olie?
- Olie, please tell me... - What? How was it?
- Yeah. - It was... He...
- Were you nervous? - No.
- Is he gonna come to the show? - Yeah.
- Will you bring him backstage after? - After the what? The concert? Yeah.
Now, the reason why I haven't seen him in five years and haven't talked to him
is because he told me "You're not gonna make it. I wish you'd stop dancing. "
When he got to Houston we had a talk about it, then he asked me to forgive him.
I'd never heard this man say something like that in my life.
And I forgive him, I forgive him.
I guess he felt happy.
Joyful or something. I don't know.
(# intro to "Oh, Father", crowd cheering)
# Oh, Father
# You never wanted to live that way
# You never wanted to hurt me
# Why am I running away
# Oh, Father
# You never wanted to live that way
# You never wanted to hurt me
# Why am I running away
# Maybe someday
# When I look back I'll be able to say
# You didn't mean to be cruel
# Somebody hurt you, too
# You can't hurt me now
# I got away from you
# I never thought I would
# You can't make me cry
# You once had the power
# I never felt so good about myself
# You can't hurt me now
# You can't make me cry
# You can't hurt me now
# You can't make me cry
(cheering)
(dialling tone)
- Hello. - Dad?
- Yeah! - Hi. It's me.
Well, hi. How are ya?
Listen, um, I realise I haven't talked to you in a while and I hope everything's OK,
but I have no idea if you guys are coming to the show, what night, blah, blah, blah.
- And all that stuff. - I don't know.
- So what's going on? - Your nights were changed.
Well, so who wants to come and when?
Well, whatever, you know.
I mean, Dad, I'd love it if you'd come to both shows.
It's racy. I don't know if you could take it two nights in a row.
- D'you have to get racy on me? - Dad, I'm not getting racy. I've been racy.
- But can't youjust tone it down a bit? - What, for you?
- Yeah. - No. It'd compromise my artistic integrity.
Well, ofcourse. You undress in this performance?
- No! - Good.
- Of course I don't. - OK.
Whatever you can get us tickets for.
Dad, I can get you tickets any night you wanna come.
Just tell me how many tickets you want.
But you gotta tell me now and you gotta tell me who they're for.
- Martin and a friend. - How's Marty?
- You know, we took him over... - Did he go to the rehab centre?
- Yeah. He's gettin' out on the 25th. - The 25th?
The reason I called your place is he wanted to know ifhe could still do this...
- Do what? - I don't know. He wants to have a party.
Dad, look, I'll tell you something.
This is a really gruelling show and a gruelling tour.
It's not like I play at stadiums and I play one show, then have a couple ofdays off.
I'm doin' back-to-back shows
and I don't like to go out and party and scream cos I may lose my voice.
Halfway through "Get lnto the Groove" the monitors went off. I cannot hear myself.
He stands there like he doesn't know what's going on!
I don't think I really anticipated just how draining the show was gonna be.
My brother had warned me I'd regret it,
but by the time I realised he was right it was too late.
Definitely one of the all-time worst!
It wasn'tjust the physical aspect that was demanding.
There was so many technical things that could fuck up and, boy, did they!
- # I hit... I still get the blues - (sound cuts in and out)
# Everyone's a stranger City life can get to you
Fuck it!
# Never want to turn your back
(sounds cuts out)
Why has it never done this before?
Possibly there's something in the building.
Well, I wanna do something that is gonna check everywhere
to make sure this doesn't happen again. It happened in "Where's the Party".
What you don't understand is there's no way of checking things...
- How come it works for Niki and Donna? - I have no answer for that.
- Something is close to your frequency... - If you don't find an answer, Keith,
I'm singing a cappella and my fuckin' headset goes out
and everybody thinks the fuckin' show is over with.
- How come it didn't happen to the girls? - They're on separate frequencies.
Well, put me on their fuckin' frequency. I mean, you know...
Motherfuck!
Somebody stuck a big fat man in the front to give me dirty looks all night,
I swear to God.
And don't hide back there, Warren. Get over here.
- Freddy? - Yes, ma'am.
You lied to me. There was nothing but industry in the first two rows.
- I know. I didn't like what I saw. - You said there wasn't gonna be any.
- I don't know how they got there. - Well, they totally bummed me out.
They sat there with arms folded with dirty looks on their face and I swear to God...
Do something else. Do my eyebrows.
It was so distracting and so depressing to me to have two rows of people
Iooking like they weren't there to have a good time.
But everyone was up and dancing. There were some old farts.
Fuck you! There was not! There was three rows of assholes and then a space.
I tried to get it changed today and they can't with the fire marshals.
I want it changed. And, John Draper, please give Keith a new asshole
because he's in charge of my show, the sound of my show.
- You talking about at the end? - No, it wasn't at the end.
It was in "Causing a Commotion" and "Open Your Heart",
and "Keep it Together", "Where's the Party" and "Vogue"
- my sound kept cutting out on me. - Kept cutting out?
Yes. Don't tell me you didn't know. And "Keep it Together" in the a cappella part.
No, I did.
- By the way, you were awesome tonight. - It was killer.
- unbelievable. - Just killer.
- Thank you. - It was awesome.
- See how good I am when I'm pissed off? - If that's what it takes!
- Freddy! - I thought you were in a great mood
- cos you really put out, the crowd was... - The crowd was tough.
A tough crowd on the sides because...
Freddy, everyone looked like a goddamn William Morris agent in the first two rows.
OK, that's it, Freddy.
You stink.
You pussy, man. Get over here.
What is with you? Can you believe I have to do this every night?
Are you gonna be nicer to me now, Warren?
What?
Where are you going, Warren?
Bring some people back cos I have to go home and sleep.
(high-pitched) It makes you look well rested... not!
I'm trying to turn Warren into a vegetarian.
I told him I wouldn't have his baby unless he was a vegetarian.
Not!
- The light's good here, don't worry. - Yeah, I think it's good if you lie down.
- That's AI Pacino. - Nice to meet you.
- That's Mandy Patinkin. - Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Los Angeles was hard.
I always find it weird that celebrities assume a friendship with you
just because you're a celebrity, too. It can get kind ofawkward.
Warren thanks you all for coming.
Hi.
- You were great. - Thank you.
Thanks for having us. That was really generous.
- Thanks for coming. - We thought it was neat.
- Neat? - Really neat.
- No one's described it quite that way. Hi. - Hi.
Have fun tonight. I don't think we'll be making that other deal.
- Not neat enough for you? - Not quite.
- We gotta get with the kids. - OK.
- I'm gonna give 'em this. - All right.
- Thanks. - God bless. Thanks.
Neat? Anybody who says my show is neat has to go.
(Madonna) He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He just wants to fuck me.
He really cares about me.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me. He loves me not.
- Oh-oh. - What?
I ended on a "He loves me not." Does this little one count?
- Nope. Not if you don't want it to. - There's two there.
- There are not two. - Make it not count.
It's one.
He loves me. All right.
Warren told me that Edie Sedgwick, she wanted to meet him,
so he said "OK" cos he was curious,
as any red-blooded American male would have been.
She came over and he said she had a completely see-through raincoat on
and nothing on underneath it.
- Isn't that funny? - Mm-hm.
He didn't fuck her.
Isn't that unusual?
- D'you really like them? - What will People magazine say?
Hey, remember when I told Warren to bring me a present? He did.
He bought me this really cool shirt from Dolce&Gabbana.
See, I get what I want.
Yeah, may I speak to Warren Beatty, please?
He doesn't even have a fake name.
Warren, you're supposed to be here. It's 5.30.
If you don't get over here now, I'm leaving without you, you know.
I did, too! I never said that.
What an asshole.
(laughter)
Ow!
I had a dream last night that Gorbachev came to my show.
My first reaction was
that Warren Beatty was gonna be sojealous that I got to meet him first!
Anyway, it was a good dream.
um, the police are here
and, uh, they say that you can't do the masturbation scene tonight,
- otherwise you'll be arrested. - Really?
- uh-huh. - Well, good. Let's see what happens.
- They will do it. - What will they do? Jump on stage?
No, they'll wait till after the show.
- Are you guys serious? - I'm serious. Clay's with Freddy.
- What's considered masturbation? - When you put your hand in your crotch.
But then another one of our options is to cancel the show.
- We can choose that option. - It's your choice, sir.
- We don't have to play. - It's your choice, sir. It's in your hands.
- Will we have to pay a fine? - We have to cancel the show.
They'll probably take you to the station and you'll have to pay a fine
and you'll be in every paper.
Yeah! I'm not changing my fucking show!
I think I need some legal advice from a Canadian attorney
- before I make a decision. - Come talk to me without everybody else.
- You're lying. - I am not lying. I swear to God.
The police are there and a rep from the DA's office.
Two plain-clothes policemen saw the show yesterday.
- And they said? - "Immoral live performance."
You shouldn't have told me, Chris.
I wanted to prepare you that there's police there.
- Did you guys hear? - What?
- That the police are here. - Why?
If I touch my crotch, I'm going to be arrested.
- Are you serious? - What!
They arrested Bobby Brown for fucking on stage.
Did they?
- That's called jealousy. - I hope he's in jail when I get there!
Strictly as a legal question, does it help if we go out on stage and someone says
"This show may contain graphic material"?
Doesn't work. No, not here.
- (Jose) We're going to jail. I'm so excited. - Dear Lord,
(group) Sh, sh!
this is our last night in Toronto, the fascist state of Toronto.
I know my little babies are feeling fragile, and I want you all to know that I love you
and I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I'm here if you need me.
I want you to go out there tonight and give everything that you have.
Have a great show and remember in the united States there is freedom of speech.
And let's kick ass.
Yeah!
- Have a great show. - Amen.
- Freddy, I ain't changing my show. - I'll tell you what will happen,
and I'll give you the options.
They told me there's been complaints that your simulated orgasms, blah, blah, blah
are against their rules and regulations, blah, blah, blah...
- I am not changing my show, Freddy. - I know, but wait while I straighten it out.
- What's to straighten out? - Hopefully we can change their minds.
Freddy, all you have to do is tell them I am not changing my show.
- This is how I choose to express myself. - I did that.
So what do you have to tell them?
Don't let them take me!
# We shall overcome!
# We shall overcome
I understand. She has told me that this is artistic freedom, this is her show.
It's gone on in several countries in major cities across the world,
and if Canada, you know, if you choose to do that...
- I'm sure it'll be an international scandal. - I need to explain over here.
God! Everything's gonna have a whole new meaning in the show.
Like when I say "God" and everything, I'll be praying that I don't get arrested.
- uh-huh. - Where else am I nasty?
- Everywhere. - Oh.
We're gonna realise how many places we do things.
Say "Hello, Toronto. Do you believe in freedom? I got something to say about it."
- Chris, don't let them take me. - We won't.
# Celebration
- # Come together in every nation - That's right!
# Holiday
# Celebration
# Come together in every nation
- I'll get arrested for that. - The consequences are
they may detain her after the show and charge her with indecency.
Last time I was on tour Sean was in jail. I guess it's my turn.
She'll do it, but she won't do it, like...
I'll bet she does it more.
- How much do you wanna bet? - Let me find something small.
- I'll trust you. - Nah, nah.
(crowd cheering)
(# Asian-style music)
- # I've made it through the wilderness - (cheering)
# Somehow I made it through
# Didn't know how lost I was
# until I found you
# I was beat
# lncomplete
# I'd been had
# I was sad and blue
# But you made me feel
# Yeah, you made me feel
# Shiny and new
# Like a virgin
# Touched for the very first time
# Like a virgin
# When your heart beats
# Next to mine
# Gonna give you all my love, boy
# My fear is fading fast
# Been saving it all for you
# Cos only love can last
# You're so fine
# And you're mine
# Make me strong
# Yeah, you make me bold
# Cos your love thawed out
# Yeah, your love thawed out
# What was scared and cold
# Like a virgin
# Touched for the very first time
# Like a virgin
# When your heart beats
# Next to mine
# Whoa, whoa, whoa
# You're so fine
# And you're mine
# I'll be yours
# Till the end of time
# Cos you made me feel
# Yeah, you made me feel
# I've nothin' to hide
# Like a virgin
# Touched for the very first time
# Like a virgin
# When your heart beats
# Next to mine
# Like a virgin
# Ooh, ooh
# Like a virgin
# Feels so good and fine
# When you hold me
# And your heart beats
# And you love me
Oh!
Spokesmen for Madonna say Metro Police and the Crown Attorney's office
threatened to arrest the star last night for "Iewd and obscene behaviour".
However, the police department tonight has a different story.
Headquarters said officers checked out the show on complaints from the public,
found nothing wrong and left without incident.
Madonna released a statement saying she would rather cancel the show than alter it.
(Madonna) Detroit was definitely the hardest place we went to on the tour
on an emotional level.
God, going home is, well, it'sjust never really that easy for me.
People talk about how stardom changes you,
but they never talk about how it can change the people close to you.
- Hi, Marty. - Who is that?
How's it goin'?
This is my brother, Martin. Hi, Marty.
This is Donna. Don't pay any attention to her!
- Niki, aren't you gonna say hi to Marty? - Hi, Martin.
I feel that there is a pressure because of my sister.
People are lookin' at me goin' "How come you're not the manager?"
"How come you're not this, the other, that and blah, blah, blah."
"You should be this, she's that." There is something they measure against you.
Sometimes I cop an attitude about it, but I deal with it.
Well, she's available.
- Talk to her. She's taking a nap right now. - Oh, is she?
I'm gonna be back here probably, I don't know, seven.
All right. Well, I can't see anybody till after the show, so Clay'll hook you up.
Sounds good. I'll see you, honey.
Yeah, we're tight, you know. We talk and stuff. She gives me advice.
I give her a few tips and she gives me a few tips.
We really have a give-and-take relationship, you know.
We can get past that star bullshit.
She knows what time it is with me, I know what time it is with her.
Dear Lord, it seems every time I'm in this circle I ask for something extra special.
Well, I'm here again, and they say "Ask and ye shall receive"
so I'm begging you to give me a voice to sing with this evening and the girls, too.
This is my hometown so I'm extra nervous.
And even though it's not supposed to matter, it does matter what they think,
and so I ask you to give me that little extra something special
to show everybody here that I did make something out of my life.
Amen. Have a great show.
(cheering)
Well, I said it last night and I'll say it again.
There's no place like home!
In addition to that, there's nobody like this man.
There's nobody like my father,...
(cheering)
who's here tonight.
And I worship the ground that he walks on.
And it's his birthday.
I was wondering if I could sing "Happy Birthday" in front of 20,000 people.
Give it up for my dad!
(cheering)
OK. OK. This is my dad.
And I was wondering, would you all sing it with me?
(shouts of "Yeah")
Ready?
# ..day to you
# Happy birthday to you
Come on, I can't hear you.
# Happy birthday, dear Dad
# Happy birthday to you
OK. Dad, I love you.
Detroit, I love you. Good night.
Thank you.
So, did my father disown me?
- No! - No?
- He looked so happy. - Really?
Oh, God. I was so afraid to do "Like a Virgin".
- I could tell you were. - I was like...
# Do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. OK, I'm done with that now.
Oh, my God. I tell ya, that was harder to do that show than the police in Toronto.
I was more afraid of what my actions would result in.
Are you ready for Dad?
Dad, you can come in, but I gotta get dressed. Come on in. Hi.
- I gotta take off my sweaty clothes. - Hi.
- Oh, God, sorry. You're sopped!
Sorry. Let me change, OK?
- Did you like the show? - It was great.
- Really? - It was very good. It was wonderful.
(Mr Ciccone) A little touchy in spots, but it was great.
OK. (hums "Big Spender")
Whoo!
I didn't expect the "Happy Birthday".
Oh, man. I tried not to start bawlin' in front of everybody, you know?
It's hard to sing and cry.
Now you know why I'm wiped out.
Well, it's exhausting just watching everything that's going around.
(sighs)
- I can't do this for another two months. - You're relieved that's over.
- Huh? - That one's over. That was a big one.
I'm so tired.
I thought "Gee, the minute you turn your head the stuff is all lit and on the stage."
Hi. I'm getting a touch-up.
You take a shower already?
I never thought I'd see you bow at your father's foot.
- I thought that was great! - I never thought I would either.
I was honoured. A little taken back, but honoured.
I thought I had to make up for the fact I didn't go shopping for a birthday present.
Weren't the sets beautiful? Didn't Chris do a great job?
Aren't my dancers great? Aren't they fab?
It was all great. A couple of scenes were a little...
- X-rated. - We could do without.
Dad! You don't understand. They all lead to something.
- I know they're arty. - It's got nothing to do with art.
It's the journey that you go on. It's, um...
You get on this train, you stay on till the end.
Exactly. You take a journey. It's cathartic.
You can't get to one place without going through another place.
- I hear ya. - It's like growing up.
- Yup, that's what my show is like. - She's growing up on stage, right?
(whispers) My brother's gonna come and if he just has a few friends, that's fine,
but if he brings an entourage of people in, then I want you to be the chaperon, OK?
- Because my brother's crazy. - I know it.
You have to be nice to him though.
- He can't help it. - OK.
OK. Thank you.
OK, what's my poem, my fart poem? Should I say it?
(Chris) Which one? The one about the beans?
I'm replenishing my fluids.
A fart is a chemical substance It comes from a place called Bum
It penetrates through the trousers
And lands with a musical hum
To fart, to fart 'tis no disgrace
For it gives the body ease
It warms the blankets on cold winter nights and suffocates all the fleas!
- Here. - And...
And he said...
You're not gonna stay and see Marty?
- Don't leave me alone. - I'll be here in spirit.
Bastard.
We went out to get the limousine and the driver was gone
cos the guy who owned the service had locked his keys in his car so I had to wait.
He probably stopped at a bar for 1 2 drinks!
(both laugh)
No, he didn't. He's cleaned up.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Dad says he went to alcohol rehab to escape going to jail.
He went there for the wrong reasons.
It wasn't proper motivation. He doesn't wanna heal himself.
Did Martin come yet?
- Dean, did he show up yet? - No, I just got here.
OK, thanks.
Martin was supposed to come, but he didn't.
Big deal.
I think Martin's not coming. I'm going to bed.
See, if my brother comes,
you just tell him that I'd like privacy please.
- (Niki) Hi, Martin. - Hi, honey.
Listen to that low voice of yours. What y'all doin'?
- I made it lower just for you. - What, you been cryin'?
Yeah, it's my Visine. Yeah, my eyes get sore.
- Where you goin'? - To have a drink with my family.
- You comin' back up? - Yeah.
- Where's she at? - Probably sleeping.
- Is she? - Most likely.
401 , I gotta find.
I'll be right back.
401 ...
- (man) It's right there. - Oh, it's right here?
It was right in front of me the whole time.
Ah, she's probably sleeping, man.
Good night.
Sharon, I beat up on girls like you when I was little. I... I...
It's true.
- You know who she reminds me of? - Who?
Sharon reminds me of the McFarlands. Maurine McFarland.
(laughter)
- Hello. Hi. - (Alek) Are you Moira?
Yeah.
You guys.
No, they are a nice family. But if you think our family's wacky, I won't say any more!
There was a time about ten years ago that I was in Colorado
and I was gonna make my way to New York to see her cos I knew she was there,
and, uh, I never made it.
I was a dancer on the road, but a different kind of dancer. I was a topless dancer.
I was real heavy into drugs.
But Moira McFarland taught me how to shave my legs.
- (woman) You're indebted to her. - Let me borrow her stuffed bra.
- How old were you? - Showed me how to use tampons,
not very well, I might add. And taught me how to make out.
Madonna, I did not teach you how to insert a tampon.
And if we got in bed together naked, I don't remember that.
She said she was never in bed naked with me? She's such a liar.
She's got an active imagination though.
Liar. Did she say she finger-fucked me?
No!
I remember looking at her bush. I know!
See what happens when you take drugs and alcohol? I mean, I lose a lot of stuff.
I remember the crack in her parents' bed because it was two beds pushed together.
I remember I fell through the crack
cos we were jumping up and down on the bed too much... naked.
The last time I really saw her before she became a star, whatever,
was when I was in tenth grade.
Where's my idol? Where's my idol from ten years ago?
I don't know if I'm nervous. I just wanna see Madonna.
Madonna!
- Didn't you recognise me? - I didn't know you were coming out.
- I don't have my glasses on. I can't see. - So, how are you?
When you see the show you'll forgive me for not talking to you.
- It's really difficult, so... - I know.
Well, listen, I got five boys, or four. I gotta ask you something. Can we sit down?
I can't sit down. I'm really sorry. Why? What's up?
I hate to do this in front of... About four years ago I wrote you a letter,
and I asked you if you would be Mario's godmother.
Yes, I remember that.
- Did you read the letter? - I got it a real long time after the fact.
- Well, very unexpectedly, - uh-huh?
real unexpectedly I'm pregnant again.
Oh, really? Oh, my God.
Well, you certainly have been busy!
I want you to be the baby's godmother.
- Really? - I really do.
You're coming to the show tonight and Melissa has all your phone numbers.
- This is too rushed of a situation. - I know.
I'm flattered you're asking me, but I have to think about it.
- OK. - OK. But that's really sweet of you.
- It has nothing to do with religion. - I know!
- It has to do with spirituality. - Do I get to decide on the name?
OK. As long as it's the same as yours.
Except, that's why you've got to bless this child. Please say "She needs a girl."
- I'd bless it anyways. - She needs a girl.
- All right. Have a girl. Have a girl, Moira. - Have a girl, Madonna.
I gotta go. Come out a girl and we're gonna call you Madonna.
- Give me a kiss and a hug. - I love you.
- I hope you like the show. - I have something.
- Is that the painting? - Yeah.
I'm gonna put it in my room. Clay, come on.
I love this painting, by the way.
Thank you. Thanks.
- I love you. - I'll put it in my room. I love you, too.
- And you call me after the tour. - I will.
- You promise? - I promise. Bye.
- I love you, Madonna. - I love you, too.
You little shit.
(Madonna) Look!
- Moira made this painting for me. - She did it herself.
She did it herself. It's a Madonna and Child.
No pun intended.
It's not bad, really.
- No. - Really, it's not bad.
No, not bad at all.
- That's me breast-feeding. - Yeah, I got that.
- Did you hear me dedicate a song to her? - You did?
I did. In "Where's the Party."
I said "This one's for Moira, my childhood idol."
(Moira) I remember praying to her mother, Madonna. It was the closest thing to God.
When her mom died I was a little girl and I couldn't...
I remember feeling really sad and really awful, and, uh...
But I don't remember hugging Madonna and telling her I'm sorry
cos I just didn't understand - I was seven and she was five -
so I just wanted to go back and hug her.
(# intro to "Promise to Try")
# Little girl
# Don't you forget her face
# Laughing away your tears
# When she was the one who felt all the pain
# Little girl
# Never forget her eyes
# Keep them alive inside
# I promise to try
# But it's not the same
(Madonna) I hadn't been to the cemetery since I was a young girl.
We used to go right after she died.
I don't know, my mother's death was all a big mystery to me when I was a child
and no one really explained it, so...
What I remember most about my mother was that she was...
she was very kind and very gentle and very feminine.
I guess she seemed like an angel to me,
but I suppose everybody thinks their mother's an angel when they're five.
I also know she was really religious,
so I never really understood why she was taken away from us.
Itjust seemed so unfair. I never thought that she had done something wrong,
so often times I'd wonder what I'd done wrong.
# Does she hear my voice in the night when I call
# Wipe away all your tears
# It's gonna be all right
# I fought to be so strong
# I guess you knew
# I was afraid
# You'd go away, too
I wonder what she looks like now.
Just a bunch ofdust.
I'm gonna fit in right here. They're gonna bury me sideways.
# Little girl
# You got to forget the past
# And learn to forgive me
# I promise to try
# But it feels like a lie
# Don't let memory play games with your mind
# She's a faded smile
# Frozen in time
# I'm still hanging on
# But I'm doing it wrong
I don't wanna stay here any more.
# Can't kiss her goodbye
# But I promise to try
This is the show that I have no idea what is gonna happen to me and my voice.
I don't know where it's gonna come from, but give me a voice
and let me put on a great show tonight
and let everybody do the same. Amen.
# It's like a dream
# No end and no beginning
# You're here with me
# It's like a dream
# Let the choir sing
OK. Now say "Eegh".
Aagh.
Breathe.
- Eeegh. - Aaagh.
- Good. Eeegh. - Aaagh.
- Eeegh. - Aagh.
- Eegh, eegh, eegh. - Aagh, aagh, aagh.
- Eeegh. - Aaagh.
Great. Take a breath. Good.
This is crazy. Nobody talks about this on film?
- Talks about what? - The insanity of doing this all on film.
- What? - It's a serious matter, your throat. Yes?
Why should I stop here?
- But does anyone say it? - Who's anyone?
Well, anyone that comes into this insane atmosphere. You realise they all feel it.
When they come into your dressing room or wherever you are, they feel crazy.
- Now, do they talk about it? - No, they accept it.
- Why don't they talk about it? - Because.
- You wanna think about it. - No, I don't.
So let's get back to my throat.
Do you wanna talk at all off camera? You have nothing to say.
She doesn't wanna live off camera, much less talk!
I think that's what it is.
There's nothing to say off camera. Why say something if it's off camera?
What point is there existing?
Eventually I had to admit that I was a human being
and I agreed to cancel some shows.
And I was told by the doctor that I couldn't speak.
I had to write everything down on a piece ofpaper.
Melissa, my assistant, became my only link to the outside world.
I think, in a lot of ways, New York and the time that I spent there while I was sick
was the hardest on her.
And since I was staying in my own apartment I lost contact with the dancers.
I had to give all ofmy messages to Melissa
and through Melissa I heard they were finding a lot to keep themselves busy.
I guess I wasjealous their lives were going on without me.
(radio DJ) Donna Delory, Madonna's back-up singer. Also dancer in the tour.
- Donna, good to have you with us. - Great to be here.
Who choreographed that "Like a Virgin" number?
- Who do you think?! - (laughter)
(DJ laughs) Warren Beatty!
- To Warren! - (strikes cymbal)
Donna, I was reading the radio Bible, which I happen to have a copy of here.
- Oh, yeah! The Star! - That is so wrong. That thing is so wrong.
Let me read this and then you can comment.
"Madonna dumps Beatty for a black dancer." It talks about Slam.
Supposedly, Madonna swaps Beatty for dancer 31 years younger.
First of all that guy's name is Oliver. They didn't even get the name right.
No. Eh, this is my first time ever workin' with fags.
I'm the only straight guy and there's, what, six of 'em.
(chanting) We're here, we're queer Get used to it
We're here, we're queer Get used to it
Oh, my God. D'you know what else I hate?
Have you ever seen Luis walk in just underwear
in front of just a whole bunch of people?
Just walk around in bikini. I mean, just underwear.
Don't have no kind ofrespect for these people.
We know that he's a fag or gay, or whatever you wanna call it,
but you don't have to show it to everybody.
We know you're happy, we know you're glad to be it,
but you really don't have to show it and let everybody know that you're a fag.
It was scary, it really was, cos they wanted me.
And their thing was "On this tour we're gonna get him."
That's what they told me.
(applause and cheering)
When the show started again, everything felt different. There was so much tension.
I blamed myself. I felt like a mother who deserted her kids
and then comes back home to realise how much trouble they've gotten into.
Don't touch my man, OK? lf you go on that property, you're wrong, baby.
"Madonna swaps Beatty for dancer 31 years younger."
"Madonna has dumped her lover, Warren Beatty, for a black dancer
with the body of a Greek god and the stamina of a superstud."
(make monkey noises)
"The new love in her life is 22-year-old Oliver Crumes, also known as Slam."
(make monkey noises)
I just wanna tell you that I don't think that you're guilty
- for that thing in the magazine. - I'm not worried about it.
Oliver, look, there are always gonna be queens on the rag.
You have to just expect that of them. You got some press and they're jealous.
"The fact he's black means nothing to Madonna."
"She's attracted to him body and heart."
- But not mind. (laughs) - OK.
I'm calling you in to say all that matters is your relationship with me
and what you do on stage every night, OK?
- I think it's silly. - But you know it's all bullshit.
- Yeah, I know, but... - If you know, then why let it bother you?
I'm not lettin' none of this bother me.
A lot of crazy shit is happening
and everybody's gonna have to get over their ego and pull this group together.
Please try to rise above it, OK?
Don't let it get to you. All right?
- Oliver? - Mm-hm.
And please don't give me attitude, because I won't tolerate it.
Is that it?
I understand. I'm just asking is that it?
Yeah, that's it.
(Jose) "During auditions for her tour she flirted with him openly from day one. "
"He wasn't the best of the hundreds of dancers auditioning..."
- That's right. - You can say that again!
Sometimes I think "Oliver, can you really dance? Should you be on this tour?"
I hate to say it, but that's the way I feel sometimes. It's not good. It gets to me.
(Madonna) Listen, you guys, I just wanna reiterate this thing about Oliver and stuff.
Please don't pick on him, OK? I'm not protecting him,
and, to tell you the truth, I haven't spoken to him since I got here, but he's gone.
He's hiding somewhere, and you three can be ferocious, so be nice to him, OK?
He doesn't have the thick skin that you have.
He doesn't have the survival techniques that you guys have, all right?
And I want him to perform in the show, OK? Thank you.
(Madonna) I don't believe it. How could Sharon not know what happened to her?
She said that she thinks someone drugged her. She was at the club dancing,
the next thing she knew she woke up...
- In her room? - In her room, nude. Her stuff was stolen
and she went to the bathroom and her butt was bleeding.
- I'm sorry I'm laughing. - That's all she remembers.
She said she wasn't drinking last night, just a cranberry juice. Next she knew...
They drugged her. All I can think is she started saying she was on tour with me,
she was staying at the Ritz Carlton.
And those guys, whoever they were, decided to fuck with her.
I never thought something like that would happen to me.
I was fine. I was normal and I was with the...
(Niki) That's what most victims say. You never thought.
I never thought that would happen to me.
This was a nice club, it was really nice and I was just dancing with these boys.
We were just like this.
I was totally sober, you can ask my friend and these other girls.
Then, next thing I know...
I wake up this morning...
- I ain't gonna go out by myself again. - You're what?
Never going out by myself again. I'm gonna stick with you guys.
(Madonna) It was days like that I was reminded how young the dancers were.
And what was really strange was that this last show in New York
was an AIDS benefit in memory ofa friend ofmine,
a really good friend ofmine
who had died.
I mean, here I was getting ready to go on stage to supposedly convince and inspire
thousands and thousands ofpeople to get unified and to fight the prejudice
you know, that... (sighs)
I couldn't even inspire seven dancers.
All right.
I think everybody's feeling a lot better today than they were two days ago
and I'm not worried about the show.
What I am worried about and what I do want to say a prayer about
is the way that people have been behaving.
I don't care what you did with your lives before this tour.
I don't care what you do with them afterwards,
but while you're working with me and we're doing this show
you will treat everyone in this group with kindness, compassion and respect.
I don't wanna hear about it any more. There is too much pain in the world
and I want you to treat yourselves with kindness and respect.
A lot of crazy shit has been happening.
We have to start looking out for each other and protecting each other
and we have to start loving ourselves a little bit more
and loving the person next to us a little bit more.
Seeing as this is our last show in New York,
and our last show in the united States
and we are dedicating it to Keith Haring,
who doesn't have the luxury of being alive like we do,
I beg you to let me and everybody in this room rise above all of our problems
and go out there on that stage tonight and give the best performance of our lives.
Do this one for Keith.
- Amen. - (group) Amen.
That's all. Everybody have a great show.
(man) Places, please. Prayer is over.
Places. Let's go, guys.
- Now, why did I do that? - It's all right. It's gonna be a great show.
- I hope I can sing. - I hope we all can now.
Shall we give it one more time for the States? Shall we each have a "Holiday"?
- Yeah, right. - # Holiday
# Celebration
# Come together in every nation
(# intro to "Holiday")
# Holiday
# Celebrate
# Holiday
(raucous cheering)
# Celebrate
# lf we took a holiday
# Took some time to celebrate
# Just one day out of life
# It would be
# It would be so nice
# We can turn this world around
# And bring back all of those happy days
# Put your troubles down
Come on
# It's time to celebrate
# Let love shine
# And we will find
# A way to come together
# And make things better
# We need a holiday
# lf we took a holiday
# Took some time to celebrate
# Just one day out of life
# It would be
# It would be so nice
All right, everybody!
Do the bus stop!
Oh, yeah! Let me hear ya!
(Donna & Niki) Woo! Woo!
Do the bus stop.
Now I wanna hear you scream!
- (crowd screams) - # Holiday
# Celebrate
# Holiday
# Celebrate
# Holiday
# Celebration
# Come together in every nation
# Holiday
# Celebration
# Come together in every nation
# lf we took a holiday
# Took some time to celebrate
# Just one day out of life
# It would be
# It would be so nice
# lf we took a holiday
# Everything would be OK
# lf we took a holiday
# Everything would be OK
All right, everybody!
- Let me hear you say "Ho!" - (crowd) Ho!
- Ho! - Ho!
- Ho! Ho! - Ho! Ho!
All right, all together now.
(cheering)
When we finally got to Europe there was such an overwhelming sense ofrelief.
After the tension and darkness, Europe just felt so glamorous, new and exciting.
Don't make us strike a pose.
- I'm living for Chanel. - Miss Honey better buy something.
Shopping can really cheer a girl up.
Now you boys better do what I say!
(laughter)
- Second-grade teacher. - Miss Crabtree, girls.
"Our Miss Brooks."
- That's perfect. - It's very "Obey everything I say", right?
- Very Janet Jackson, "Rhythm Nation". - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Bite your tongue.
D'you have any simpler earrings than these?
They make you look beautiful.
Earrings don't make people look beautiful.
Money makes people look beautiful.
(phone rings)
Hello, Gaultier. Listen, I told you, forget the dress.
um, désolée.
Hi, who's this? I'm fine. Yeah, can I help you?
OK. Would you like anyone in particular?
OK, what's your name? Channelta. Oh.
Channelta needs a salesgirl downstairs now!
- Bye-bye. Thank you. - Bye. Thanks.
(shouts of "Madonna")
# Happy birthday, dear Melissa
# Happy birthday...
(Madonna) Yo, Mel, this is your birthday poem.
Way back in the beginning When I started all of my sinning
I needed a partner in crime you could say So I went on a search and I started to pray
I walked into my manager's office one morn
I was mouthin' out loud in my usual form
As my eyes toured the room My poor heart skipped a beat
For there in the corner was the picture of sweet
She was glued to the phone She was bathed in pastels
Her Lee Press-Ons were sittin' They were longer than hell
I turned and I winked and I said "Hey, Miss Muffet"
"You think you can work for a bitch? Can you tough it?"
"I'm gagging. No way. Get me out of this dump"
I said "Hey, Freddy, find a new girl to pump"
(whooping)
So the rest is like history, legend, OK?
You wanna hear dish She don't play it that way
How can I thank you, My sweet Melly Mel?
You pick up my shit and my undies that smell
You shield me from assholes And take all their calls
You buy me my Tampax and rubbers and all
(Melissa) Size: large.
Now you can't count on much in this life I should know
But I guess I got lucky I found me a pro
She still lives in the Valley
But her Press-Ons are gone
She still goes out with jocks
But she sips Dom Pérignon
But without you I'm nothin' I'm gagging, Miss Thing
If you ever leave me I'm gonna fucking kill myself
(cheering)
Those first few weeks in Europe were almost perfect.
I mean, it felt like The Partridge Family World Tour... sort of.
- Work girl, congratulations! - Don't do it! He's a tramp! He's a slut!
(dance music)
- (knock at door) - Come in, only if you're fab.
Girls, I'm here. Mama Make-up.
Melissa, tell Jai Winding, since he doesn't come in to prayer,
tell him when I come up to him and ask to play the record, I'm gonna say
"Voulez-vousjouer ce disque?"
"Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?"
Will you play my record? One-track fucking mind!
(screaming)
Oliver! Oliver!
(boys) # Here comes the bride
# All dressed in white
(laughter)
Oh, that's really good.
All right, I just pray that I remember that I have to freak Spench and English.
Motherfuckin' world tour, year 2025.
# Like a virgin
# I got the moves, baby
# You got the lotion
They don't even let Zsa Zsa Gabor in this hotel.
- Why not? - Because she's a cochon.
(Donna & Niki) # Didn't know how lost I was until I found you
# I was beat
# lncomplete
# I was sad
# I was sad and blue
# But you made me feel...
The audiences have been great and every show just keeps getting better and better.
So let us just have one more show where everybody kicks ass and has a great time.
- I'm fuckin' pissed, OK? - (cheering)
OK? What were you fuckin' lookin' at, huh?
When I'm pissed off I gotta express myself. You know what I'm fuckin' sayin'?
(cheering)
Sorry about that, Lenny.
Aaaagh!
Around halfway through Europe my bubble burst.
I started hearing reports from ltaly that the Vatican was trying to ban my show.
I'm an ltalian American, and I'm proud of it.
Proud of being an American because it is the country I grew up in,
the country that gave me the opportunities to be who I am today,
and a country that believes in freedom of speech and artistic expression.
(# intro to "Live to Tell")
# I have
# A tale
# To tell
# Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
# I was not ready for the fall
# Too blind to see the writing on the wall
# A man can tell a thousand lies
# I've learnt my lesson well
# Hope I live to tell
# The secret I have learnt, till then
# It will burn inside of me
# The truth is never far behind
# You kept it hidden well
# lf I live to tell
# The secret I knew then
# Will I ever have the chance again
(cheering)
My show is not a conventional rock show, but a theatrical presentation of my music.
And, like theatre, it asks questions, provokes thoughts
and takes you on an emotional journey,
portraying good and bad,
Iight and dark,
joy and sorrow,
redemption and salvation.
I do not endorse a way of life, but describe one.
The audience is left to make its own decisions and judgments.
This is what I consider freedom of speech,
freedom of expression and freedom of thought.
Every night before I go on stage I say a prayer,
not only that my show will go well,
but that the audience will watch with an open heart and an open mind,
and see it as a celebration of love, life and humanity.
# lf I ran away
# I'd never have the strength to go very far
# How could they hear
# The beating of my heart
# Will it grow cold
# The secret that I hide
# Will I grow old
# How will they hear
# When will they learn
# How will they know...
The controversy stayed with me all through ltaly
and eventually I had to cancel two shows.
- I got my period early this month. - Look, this is my gym.
- Wanna use it? - Mm-hm.
(Oliver) Sandra... Barn, Garn...
Sandra... I forgot her last name.
Sometimes I can't pronounce it. You know who I'm talkin' about.
- (Alek) Try pronouncing it. - Barnhore!
Whatever her name is, you know.
That's one ofher best friends. She says it is.
I had those dreams when my mother died for like a five-year period after that.
All I dreamed about was that people were strangling me
and I was constantly screaming for my father and no sound would come out.
- What happened when you woke up? - I'd just be sweating and afraid
and I'd have to go sleep with my father.
- Was that before he got remarried? - Mm-hm.
How was that when you slept with him?
Fine, he went to sleep after he fucked me. No! Just kidding!
- (phone rings) - Was he sweet to you?
Yes, of course.
Boinguard, Barnyard, somethin'.
Anyway, you know, she's scary.
So, I had a little fling with another art-world person.
Oh, should I guess?
An art dealer?
A gallery owner.
She's sexy. There's something about her.
If she was having sex with someone she looks like she would get a rope
- and strap you to the bed and shit. - Ooh, baby. Ow! Ssss.
- I saw her before I left. - Really? How unfortunate.
I'm like a drug addict, you know.
Are you still sleeping with her?
Are you still...
- Sandy, I don't like her. - I don't either, believe me. It's sickening.
I don't like anyone I sleep with either.
That's why you sleep with them, cos they're hideous.
By the time this comes out it won't matter any more!
By the time this comes out she'll have fucked you over.
She already did.
You know, when I got to meet her or whatever she was pretty cool.
- I'm so desperate. - For what, honey?
- For some fun. It's all work. - What sort of fun d'you want?
- This is fun to me. - Well, then...
All I do is hang out with everybody in the show. It gets boring.
Who do you wanna meet next?
(sighs)
Who do I wanna meet next?
Who would really blow you away?
I think I met everybody.
Just tell me one person.
- That would really blow me away? - Mm-hm.
Who'd really rock your world.
- Hm, OK. - (phone rings)
Oh, that guy that's in all of Pedro Almodóvar's movies.
- Antonio Banderas. - I know him.
Antonio Banderas is this Spanish actor that I've had a crush on for two years.
He's in all ofPedro Almodóvar's movies, and I love Pedro's movies.
I've seen every movie that Antonio's ever done
and I have to say he's one ofthe few movie stars that I was dying to meet.
We get to Madrid and it turns out Pedro wants to throw a big dinner party for me,
so, you know...
Ofcourse, Antonio's gonna be there.
And so here I am, I spent the whole week psyching myselfup for this party
and I've got it all worked out in my head.
I'm gonna make Antonio fall madly in love with me.
Only there was this one major obstacle I'd never counted on.
- Hola. - His wife.
I've wanted to meet Antonio for years. I finally get to meet him and he's married.
- I am. - That's one of life's little fuck-overs.
Don't worry. I'm just kidding... not!
Madonna, this is one of the Spanish stars, too.
- Hi. - Actor, singer...
- Are you married? - Dancer.
- Are you married? - No!
Bye! Bye-bye.
This is your side! This is your place!
Oh, hey, knock it off, fellas. Come on.
- What's wrong? - I've got to drown my sorrows.
- You're ready to snatch him. You know it. - I'm putting my head in the toilet. I swear.
Well, don't do it till you get home. All right?
I said to Ricky "Oh, fuck it, this is such a disaster. He's married."
He goes "In Spain it doesn't matter. You can have whatever you want."
- Just like in ltaly. - Good thing I don't live here.
- Cos I would be a fighting bitch. - Is that man beautiful or what?
There's gotta be something wrong with him. He probably has a small penis.
God, there has to be something wrong with him, cos no one is that perfect.
You guys, I'm gonna go back and who am I gonna flirt with? Tell me.
- I know who. - Who?
The guy next to us.
All my beautiful men.
I will sue them both. Go!
You have to call me and tell me what you think of the show.
- Tomorrow? - Yes, yes, I call you. I call you.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Needless to say I never saw or heard from Antonio again.
I don't think he's such a good actor after all.
- Were there any messages? - No. No messages.
(mock crying)
(crowd chanting) Madonna! Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!
My sleeping pill didn't wear off yet,
so if I start acting like Joey Heatherton, you'll understand.
Even when I feel like shit they still love me.
(Donna) I think Madonna's happier now than she was...
(Chris) I think she's happy with the effect she's had,
but I think there's a part of her life that makes her unhappy.
(woman) I don't think she takes enough time to appreciate and enjoy her success.
She only thinks ofa dance step she might have missed...
(woman #2) Madonna does feel more in control when she doesn't extend
her personal emotion, her love...
(Kevin) Madonna'sjust very difficult to reach. She's put up many barriers...
(man) I'm sure she's going through a lot
cos there's not many people she can trust and get close to
cos everyone wants something from her.
(Chris) She's fishing for affection.
I suppose she's fishing for people who can be real with her and be honest.
And I don't really think that anybody is honest with her, except for maybe me.
(Carlton) I think that we're all seeking Madonna's approval to some degree.
(Donna) Sometimes I feel she trusts me, sometimes I feel she's not looking at me.
(Melissa) Madonna has a hard time connecting
and giving herselfaway to any one person.
I feel like she's... Madonna's very in the moment.
(woman) Madonna's very impatient...
(Niki) It's cos she wants things done.
(woman) But she has a lot to do and she's definitely in a race against time.
(Melissa) Everything is subject to her approval or disapproval.
And everything has to do with what she wants, what she doesn't want,
how it should look, where it should go, what it should be,
so it's very tense and she's unhappy a lot ofthe time. She's a bitch sometimes.
(Jose) Madonna can be mean ifshe wants to, we all can. I love it when she's mean.
- (Sharon) She hasn't been a bitch to me. - (Slam) She knows what she's doin'
and she knows how to work it. That's probably why she's such a big star.
(Luis) ljust feel like she's a little girl lost in the storm sometimes.
You know, there'sjust like a whole whirlwind ofthings going on around her
and sometimes she gets caught up in it.
(# intro to "Vogue")
# Strike a pose
# Vogue, vogue, vogue
# Look around Everywhere you turn is heartache
# It's everywhere that you go
# You try everything you can to escape
# The pain of life that you know
# When all else fails and you long to be
# Something better than you are today
# I know a place where you can get away
# It's called a dance floor
# And here's what it's for, so
# Come on, vogue
# Let your body move to the music
# Hey, hey, hey
# Come on, vogue
# Let your body go with the flow
# You know you can do it
# All you need is your own imagination
# So use it, that's what it's for
# Go inside for your finest inspiration
# Your dreams will open the door
# It makes no difference if you're black or white
# lf you're a boy or a girl
# lf the music's pumping it will give you new life
# You're a superstar
# Yes, that's what you are, you know it
# Come on, vogue
# Let your body groove to the music
# Hey, hey, hey
# Come on, vogue
# Let your body go with the flow
# You know you can do it
# Beauty's where you find it
# Not just where you bump and grind it
# Soul is in the musical
# That's where I feel so beautiful
# Magical Life's a ball
# So get up on the dance floor
# Vogue
# Let your body move to the music
# Hey, hey, hey
# Come on, vogue
# Let your body go with the flow
# You know you can do it
To a room full of people that I admire, that I appreciate,
that I adore, that I love
and that I would all separately at one time or another like to smack the shit out of.
Anyway, cheers.
- To fashion. - To love. To I'amour.
# Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean Picture of a beauty queen
# Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire Ginger Rogers, dance on air
# They had style, they had grace Rita Hayworth gave good face
# Lauren, Katherine, Lana, too Bette Davis, we love you
# Ladies with an attitude Fellas that were in the mood
# Don't just stand there, let's get to it Strike the pose, there's nothing to it
# Vogue, vogue, vogue
# Ooh
# You've got to
# Let your body move to the music
# Ooh
# You've got to just
# Let your body go with the flow
# Ooh
# You've got to just
# Vogue
(Carlton) Truth or dare, Madonna?
- (Niki) Wanna play? - Right now?
I'm gonna ask him. Have you been fucked up the ass?
- Truth or dare? - Truth or dare?
Dare.
You fucked up!
OK, unzip your pants and take your dick out right now.
Ah, you have to do it! Oh, bravo! Bravo!
Oh, my God!
Come on. Come on.
- You can sit down and do it. - No way!
Way!
That's what she told you to do.
I'm afraid to look. Agh!
It's fucking blue!
Slam, truth or dare?
- Dare. - Whoo!
French-kiss
- Gabriel. - (Niki) OK.
- He's up! He's up and he's ready! - Look out!
Work it! Work it, Miss Thing.
They want this to happen.
- Oh. Oh, yes! - (Donna) Get it done! Get the job done!
(whooping)
Oh, my God! I'm gettin' a hard-on, OK?
Madonna, truth or dare?
Dare.
Show us with that bottle how you give head.
(Carlton) Stand up and come down on it.
You're not asking the question, motherfucker.
(Niki) You're not performing, either.
She swallows!
- Madonna, truth or dare? - Truth.
Who has been the love of your life your whole life?
- My whole life? - Your biggest love?
Sean.
- Your mama. - Sean.
I'm in my dressing room sometimes and I think to myself who do I think I am
Iike, trying to pull this off?
Sometimes I'm very much, but I can only allow myself to think it once in a while,
because if I do I'm gone.
And I think of you guys, in thinking,
sitting in your dressing room going "Who does this bitch think she is?"
# I've got the moves, baby
# You've got the motion
# lf we got together, we'd be causing a commotion
I know that I'm not the best singer or the best dancer, but...
but I'm not interested in that.
I'm interested in pushing people's buttons in being provocative, in being political.
# It doesn't matter if you win or lose
# It's how you play the game So get into the groove
You both could have anything that you wanted, if you want it.
I think that's where I'm at right now. I don't know if I want it.
Yeah. It ain't all fucking hunky-dory.
# I hope you find what you're looking for
# ls it mine Walk through that door
# We're wasting time
# Make up your mind
# And get into the groove
- I think you knew you wanted to be a star. - Yeah. But don't you?
You don't wanna be a star? Niki, come on!
- (cries) - Oh, yeah, pick on the little girl.
Yeah.
Get over there. Both of you.
No problem.
Ow!
Yes!
Carlton, come to Mommy. Get in bed.
Gabriel, this is the moment I've been waiting for. I'm alone in bed with you.
- Take your shirt off. - You want me to take it off?
Mm-hm. And pull the sheets up so it looks like you're naked.
- Oh, I'm so shocked. - Oh, my God.
I'm gagging.
- Why are you wearing underwear? - I'm in bed.
Did you walk here in your underpants? Now you're acting like me.
- Bottom line is... - If he doesn't... Wait, I'm talking.
You know what that means.
I just think life is unfair. Here I am, everybody thinks I have everything I want,
but I want you and can't have you.
You shouldn't have any more sex.
You should just build an altar to me in your home and worship it daily.
And call me collect.
- uncross 'em and say it. - You're the only woman I love.
You lied, Luis. Now I am gonna beat you up.
I wouldn't hire fags that hate women. I kill fags that hate women.
In fact, I kill anybody who hates women.
In fact I'll kill anyone that hates because I hate people that hate.
Olie, I hate you.
I hate you because you're beautiful and you're a stupid fuck!
I hate you.
You're sweating and you smell!
Oh, your dick is big.
Come on.
My aunt wrote "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them".
I helped her write it.
(screams)
- You want it. - No!
- Pupil. - Agh!
Did I hurt you? Good!
Get out of my bed. Get out of my bed. Don't come back until your dick is bigger.
- See how you are? Get away from me. - Luis, don't leave me.
Get out now. I'm calling the police!
- What's wrong? - My life is really complicated, Carlton.
(screams) I'm gonna die!
Get out! Get out, you bastard!
- Smell them. - I'm outta here. I'm leavin'.
Oh, look, does anybody give a shit?
Don't ever come back. I hate you.
Next.
- Guys, I'd give you the shirt off my back. - Take it off then!
(whooping and screaming)
You guys, it's not time for a feeding. Get away!
You feel better now? Here, Madonna's Vegas show!
What do you think of body parts that aren't real?
Eeww!
But we love you anyway, Madonna.
Honey, my titties are the real thing.
Who said anything about titties?
Oooh!
- Oh, you mean my hair? - No.
- Keep going. - What's not real?
Everything's real on you, they just don't think so.
- I'm real. - Except for the pearls.
- They are too, real. - All of them?
Madonna can't afford real pearls!
(all chant) Madonna can't afford real pearls!
I can so! I'm rich. I can have anything I want.
Boots!
Do we wanna be accepted by Hollywood?
No!
- Do we care what people think of us? - No!
- Do we want people to kiss our ass? - Yes!
Yeah, yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.
OK, but...
OK, but do we wanna have an R rating or an X rating?
X!
X for X-tra fun!
# uh-huh
# Yeah, yeah
# One child grows up to be
# Somebody who just loves to learn
# And another child
# Grows up to be
# Somebody who just loves to burn
# Mom loves the both of them
# You see, it's in the blood
# Both kids are good to Mom
# Blood's thicker than mud
# It's a family affair
# Keep it together
# It's a family affair
- Hi, hi, hi. - Hello.
Hello, love.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my lovely family.
- Aren't we just having a lovely time? - A lovely time!
Ecoutez-moi,
cos I got somethin' to say to you.
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
We're a wild, crazy bunch.
Yeah, that's right.
All right, love. Take me where I'm going.
This is what I call travelling in style.
Right you are, old bean.
All right, formation.
# I hit the big time
# But I still get the blues
# Everyone's a stranger
# City life can get to you
# People can be so cold
# Never want to turn your back
# Just givin' to get something
# Always wanting something back
# When I get lonely and I need to be
# Loved for who I am, not what they want to see
# Brothers and sisters, they've always been there for me
# We have a connection Home is where the heart should be
# Keep it together
# ln the family
# They're a reminder of your history
# Brothers and sisters, they hold the key
# To your heart and your soul
# Don't forget that your family is gold
# When I look back on all the misery
# And all of the heartache that they brought to me
# I wouldn't change it for another chance
# Cos blood is thicker than any other circumstance
# uh-huh
All right, it's time for a little bit of the ol' in/out, in/out.
A family that plays together stays together.
Here we go.
# When I get lonely and I need to be
# Loved for who I am, not what they want to see
# Brothers and sisters, they've always been there for me
# We have a connection Home is where the heart should be
# When I look back on all the misery
# And all of the heartache that they brought to me
# I wouldn't change it for another chance
# Cos blood is thicker than any other circumstance
One!
Two!
One! Two!
One, two, three! Hit it!
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
unfortunately, Europe, it's time for us to say bonsoir.
(cheering)
To all of our families.
You're my family. Yeah, that's right.
And never forget that your family is your friend.
Yeah, that's right.
And never doubt that without them you are nothing.
That's right.
But most of all and most importantly never doubt yourselves.
Come on, ladies. On your knees.
- Aren't they lovely? - (cheering)
Yes.
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# Keep people together forever and ever
# Keep people together
# People together forever and ever
It's OK.
Thanks.
- What are you thinking about? - You.
# People together
# People together forever and ever
# People together
# People together forever and ever
I love you.
- You're so big, Carlton. - And you're such a lady.
# People together
# People together forever and ever
# People together
# People together forever and ever
# People together
Bye, baby.
Don't get in any cat fights on the way home.
# People together
# People together forever and ever
# Keep people together
(cheering)
(group) OK.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
God bless!
- (Madonna) Kevin. - (kissing sound)
Slam.
Luis.
Niki.
Jose.
Donna.
Oliver.
Gabriel.
- (Madonna laughs) Ooh, I forget! - Carlton.
Carlton. Oh, that's right.
(Niki) He's an adopted child.
(Madonna) It's time to say good night. Time to say good night, everybody.
- (man) I want some ice cream. - Sh, sh.
Fuck off, Carlton.
(Madonna) Close your eyes, dream some dreams.
(snoring)
(laughter)
(Niki) I gotta pee!
- Just pee in bed. - OK.
- (Madonna) You guys do anyway. - (man) Not on me.
- Good night, boys and girls. - Good night, Madonna.
Good night, poopers.
Good night, Gina.
Good night, Lou.
Good night, Gabriel.
Good night, Carlton.
- Good night, Oliver. - Who farted?
(laughter)
(Madonna) Shut up! Shut up and go to sleep!
- (Niki) She smelt it. - (Donna) She smelt it and she dealt it.
(Niki laughs) Stinky.
(man) Somebody farted boots.
(Donna) Somebody farted!
(Niki) Nuclear testing!
(Gabriel) Oh, gross.
I smell boots!
- (Donna) We're smellin' boots. - We're smellin' boots.
(Niki) I think I got my period.
(laughter)
(Madonna) Guys, shut up!
(scream)
(Niki) Ah, she hit me!
(man) Sh, sleeping time.
(snoring)
(laughter)
(Madonna) I said "Shut up".
Visiontext Subtitles: Natasha Cohn
I'm gonna press this thing.
When I press it the camera is gonna go off instantly.
(clicks)
Go away!
Cut it. Cut it, Alek.
Cut it, goddammit!